In case you didn’t know it, I am the mother of three sons. I have been mothering for 25 years, and one would think that by now I’d have seen it all. I’m not sure what raising daughters would have been like; I had always wanted a daughter, but God chose to bless me with three sons.
When they were younger life seemed a whole lot simpler. They collected bugs and all sorts of icky things. At one time we had a snake in an aquarium and dead baby mice in the freezer to feed it; another time I opened one boy’s night table drawer to see a huge collection of dead bugs, including some moth-looking cicadas. Did I recoil? Nope; I just figured it was part and parcel of raising sons. All three of them went through the phase of collecting knives along with a fascination for guns and gore.
But they’re guys, right? One day I just happened to look under the toilet tank cover. I have no idea why I decided to look there. I had never needed to look there before. But on the day that I decided to look, I found that someone had been very busy cutting out pictures from a Fredricks of Hollywood catalog. It had arrived in the mail, probably the result of someone’s putting my name on a mailing list. Well, I had put it in the recycling bin and thought that was the end of it. Obviously I was mistaken. I had underestimated the drive of a 12 year old boy.
Well those things were nothing compared to what older boys can get into. I forced my youngest son to add me as a friend on Facebook about a year ago. Because of this, I feel that I should not comment on his antics there or he’ll just unfriend me. So I keep my opinions to myself. At the end of the last school year he got an incredibly good report card. I was so proud of him and told him so. Next thing I saw that he had posted his status on Facebook as “….anally raped the report card”. Saywhat?? What does that mean?
Last evening I decided to treat myself to a glass of Bailey’s. The bottle that I had had only one drink from was just about empty. Huh? Do I have to hide my Bailey’s? Suck it up Mom, there are worse things than an empty bottle of Bailey’s. Really.
And just this morning while I was packing some things for my upcoming move, I took down a wall hanging from the spare bedroom. Well it’s the room where my older boys sleep when they come to my house. Can you imagine, I found a pack of condoms hidden behind the wall hanging! How long were they there? Which son had hidden them there?
Say nothing, Mom; you’re better off not knowing the details. Well, what would you do?