Banana Bread and a Series of Unfortunate Events


MONDAY, JUNE 1, 2009

Banana Bread and a Series of Unfortunate Events

You see, last Friday (and it wasn’t Friday the 13th) I decided to make banana bread at 7AM to take to a pot luck luncheon at noon. With the mixer running, I broke the eggs in, one by one. The third egg fell in the mix, shell and all. I spent the next several minutes trying to get it out. Then I added the frozen bananas which promptly bent my beaters. Grrr…It was time to change the plan. I shoved the mixing bowl into the fridge and dashed out to Metro for a vegie platter and a loaf of bread. That fit the bill nicely.

On coming home later in the day I took the mixing bowl out of the fridge with the intention of finishing the banana bread. The bananas had thawed out by then and I succeeded in bending the beaters back into shape. As I would find out, that would prove to be the least of my problems.

With the mixer now running smoothly, I started to add the dry ingredients – baking soda, salt, flour. At this point I realized that there was no flour in the house. Being the resourceful person that I am, I remembered that I had a bag of wheat under my bed upstairs. (Doesn’t every middle aged muddle headed and menopausal woman have a bag of wheat under her bed?)Sometimes I make bread from scratch by grinding the wheat for the flour. So I went upstairs and carried the forty four pound bag of wheat down to the kitchen. The bag was so heavy that I didn’t lay it on the floor, I dropped it. Well the bag hit the floor and promptly split open. So there I was with forty four lbs of wheat to clean up and put away.

“Ok”, I said to myself. “I have lots of plastic containers here to put the wheat in”. So I got them all out and with the help of my glass two cup measuring cup, I transferred all the wheat into the containers. Then I set the glass measuring cup down on the floor and went on to my banana bread, still waiting for flour in the mixer. Now I was humming…
A moment later, frozen in time, I jumped over the containers of wheat on the floor and landed bare foot on the glass measuring cup on the other side. Frozen in time? Yes, I can replay it over and over and it still doesn’t make any sense.

I felt a searing pain in my foot and heard glass shattering and flying all over the place. What was this? Blood was flying all over the place too! At that point I realized that I had sliced the bottom of my foot but there was so much blood that I didn’t know how badly it was cut. All I knew was that it hurt like hell! And then I realized that I was alone and nobody could hear me howling. I needed help, and fast! On my back and with my foot in the air I managed to get to the phone to call someone to come help.

When Wendy arrived, the place looked like a massacre! Blood, glass, wheat, you name it; and there on the counter was the mixing bowl with the banana mixture, still waiting for the flour. We managed to clean up the worst of the blood and glass so that my son wouldn’t have to come home to witness this. Then we bound up the foot and headed for the hospital.

After a couple of hours waiting, I thought to call my son who had arrived home by then, and asked him to please throw out the banana mixture. I didn’t think I would be making banana bread or any other kind of bread anytime soon.

Nine hours, four needles, a tetanus shot and five stitches later we left the hospital. I was on crutches, dastardly armpit bruisers that they are. It was 6AM. My first all nighter at 55 years old. That’s one for the record books!

The hospital wait was memorable. I’ll tell about it in another posting. Till then, take care not to leave glass containers on the kitchen floor…

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